No I am not related, no I am not a friend, and no I am not crazy (well in some circles I am). Let's circle back to NYC circa 2004. I had recently moved into NYC and was living on the UES of Manhattan. I had been there for about 3 months and had not formed any friendships besides one; my doorman. We connected over music, our love of metal and hard rock; he was a devote Metallica fan and I could appreciate that. It must have been a Saturday or a Sunday and I was just coming back from god knows where, Gerry (my doorman) was working as he usually did and as I was walking towards the elevator he yelled out "Hey did anyone ever tell you that you look like the lead singer of Papa Roach?". I laughed, kept on walking and caught the nearest elevator.
You see at that time I didn't listen to Papa Roach. Of course I knew who they were however at that time they were not on my radar, and needless to say I was not a fan. A few days later I looked up some videos of them on youtube and could see a tad resemblance to their lead singer Jacoby Shaddix. At the time my head was shaved and I had this little chubby face, and when Papa Roach released "Infest" in 2000, Jacoby had the same cut and facial features.
It wasn't until 2006 with the release of "The Paramour Sessions" that I became a huge fan. Everything on that album spoke to me. It seemed to be a perfect fit for my life. With songs like I Devise My Own Demise, Crash, Alive, To Be Loved, I soon began to feel like lyrically Jacoby and I were on the same page. He was screaming the lyrics of the feelings that were locked in my head.
This is what this post is really about, the connection. Since my first introduction to Papa Roach I have gown to love their music for what it is and the evolution that it has taken. Most importantly I have loved it because it has never made me feel alone. We can learn to hate our own thoughts if we feel like we are the only ones having them. And once again that is what music
really means to me. If we truly do love our music then we have this unseen connection that no one else understands. Maybe it takes you to a happy place, or maybe it helps with those dark corners.
Jacoby Shaddix's lyrics still speak to me as deeply today as they did in 2006; they are more profound these days. We still seem to be on that same cycle of fighting things that are inherently part of us. I am thankful that his lyrics can sometimes by my voice when I am afraid to talk.
In just a few short weeks they will take the stage and I will get to see a part of me up there singing those lyrics, and I am truly thankful that I can take someone I love along with me who has witnessed those feelings in me. I don't want to be on that stage, I am not obsessed, just a fan. Just a very grateful fan.
"Take your past, burn it up and let it go, Carry on, I'm stonger than you'll ever know" To Be Loved
